Why Does Love Always Feel Like a Battlefield? { Jordin Sparks Wisdom }

Man oh man, it has been a funky few weeks. Doors have been opened and closed and opportunities have come up and I have been a busy little bee. And I like it a lot! But at the same time my mind has been bouncing around a new idea; the idea of love, and what a freaking mess that makes me.

Love. We all know love from the movie aspect. Best of Me just came out in theaters and I cry every single time I see the preview because Nicholas Sparks SOMEHOW knows exactly what heart string to pull on every girl in the entire universe. That kind of love that seems impossible ya know? But at the same time you hold on to the dream/ idea of it because it seemed impossible for them but look! They made it! Or they found it! And I will, too!!!! I tell myself and again, and cry a little inside. LOL it’s funny kind of. Kind of not. Thankfully I can laugh at myself in these situations.

Then there is Instagram, which I have tried to delete time after time but just don’t. Instagram is a breeding ground for happy couples showing of their happiness. Their completeness. Their love for each other. In artsy pictures that some photographer friend took. I like to think I’ll have this someday (the guy, the photographer friend, the pictures, and the love) but we all know I am far too awkward for these staged (even though they claim to be candid) pictures. And then there’s pinterest which is a whole other beast! I really didn’t even know rings and weddings could be so beautiful until I created my own virtual wedding via other people’s pictures. Man, the internet is a beautiful thing right?

Please don’t misunderstand me though, there is nothing nothing nothing wrong with any of the above. The movies, the pictures, well pinterest- maybe but only because I need to make my “dream wedding” board private so no one else can steal my ideas. But the above venting is just simply that, venting. But happy people in happy pictures, that’s awesome! I like to like all the pictures and will continue to rejoice with these people with a double tap of the pic and maybe a heart eyes emoji comment. And they are great and beautiful and I look forward to all of that hopefully someday. But here’s the real thing I want to get to- love and grace and completeness.

Love. What does it even mean to love or be loved? From a worldy point of view, or at least this girl’s worldly point of view, it is this: Being someone’s soul mate, someone’s other half, someone’s perfect puzzle piece, someone’s perfect fit. Completing someone.

I get real wrapped up in that idea real quick.

I see the world and the happy couples and the pinterest weddings and I get wrapped up in the idea that there is someone out in the whole wide world that is going to accept me and complete me and love me in the way I want and deserve and need to be loved. I have high expectations and standards and my mind wanders to this super flashy and worldly way of thinking and I quickly become unrealistic. I think well, God made this person for me so he will be perfectly made to fit and complete me. Oh and he will complete me and be amazing and perfect and it’ll all happen like a real fairytale- we will work together and go together and there will be no problems or disagreements ever and it’ll be great because God made us for each other!

This is simply not true.

No man or person anywhere, or thing, or amount of money, or job, or anything ever will be able to complete me. Or make me whole. Because ya’ll, God did not design me (and you) to be completed by another person. Or another thing. Or a job. Those things don’t complete us and they don’t define us and they don’t fill us. The things and people of this world will leave us hanging, will leave us empty at times, will leave us sad and incomplete.

I think that’s so especially true specifically in love and relationships.

We cannot rely on another person to bring us our joy and be our happiness. Because they will never fully satisfy! Remember the woman at the well (John 4)–she’s seeking joy. Jesus knows her past and her heart and sees her empty soul and looking for love in all the wrong places. Jesus says “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.” (verse 13 and 14). Everyone who looks to this world for anything will never be full and will never be satisfied and will always need more.

The same goes for people. When we look to our boyfriends and girlfriends and friends for completion and acceptance and real love, we come up short. And we always will. Someone doesn’t say the right thing or do what I wanted exactly or I ask a question with a perfect answer in mind and I don’t get it and then you know what? That person doesn’t love me. Instead of extending grace and mercy and loving the flaws and accepting the mess ups and understanding, I come to the conclusion that if it was love, it’d be better. It’d be greater and here’s the kicker, it’d be easier. LOL am I right?? What is this mindset?! It’s selfish, that’s what it is. Where is the grace? Where is the mercy? Where is the LOVE on my end???

Love isn’t perfect. It isn’t easy. It is not pretty all the time. It isn’t always ideal. It isn’t faultless for sure. But what is it??

What is love?

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love isn’t jealous or envious.

Love does not boast and it is not proud.

Love does not dishonor anyone.

Love is not self-seeking or selfish.

Love is not easily angered.

Love keeps no record of wrongs (WOW that’s huge).

Love does not delight in evil.

Love rejoices in truth.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

{1 Corinthians 13}

Notice how it never says, love completes you to be the best person and also makes you feel warm and fuzzy all the time and is super easy. No!! None of those things that love is are easy! They are all really really hard actually. But that is love. It’s hard. It’s messy. It’s the flawed. Because we are hard headed and messy and flawed.

And only perfect love comes from our perfect Savior. Only Jesus completes us. Only He gives us the water of life and purpose and only in Him are we truly and wholely filled. We can only be satisfied in life when we are truly satisfied in Him.

I know that my future husband will be amazing and great and wonderful, but I also know I will need patience and compassion and grace (and I KNOWWWWW he will too, poor guy) to love him. And as I work on those things in my heart, my prayer is that he is doing the same.

And then maybe we can take cute pictures and dedicate cute songs and be SUPER CUTE but all the while being real and clinging to the perfect love of the Father always.

Romans 8: 38-39 // For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So here we go, learning to love.

xx. Austyn

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